


Hurt

by TheBridgeIntoYourMind



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Figurative Language, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gore, Symbolism, WELCOME TO THE PAIN TRAIN MOTHERFUCKERS, the gore is just symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 01:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13800195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBridgeIntoYourMind/pseuds/TheBridgeIntoYourMind
Summary: The side effects of a severed Force-bond can be severe.





	Hurt

It is better to live a life without love than to know love’s sweet embrace only to have it taken away. It is all the more painful when it is not death or circumstance which parts two souls, but the foolish decisions of one or the other.

…

_Ben Solo sits on a throne made not of gold or jewels, but of bones and dust and regret. He bears no crown and holds no scepter, instead, he is adorned with a halo of lies and insecurities and bears a sputtering, feeble lightsaber._

_The king of ashes holds his court. Shades and specters surround him, their hollow eyes boring into him. A weary old man in desert robes mutters prayers under his breath. A handful of young adults look at him in shock and hurt, crying out at the betrayal. Villagers quiver in fear._

_An old man stands in the corner. He never says anything. He merely watches. Not angry. Only sad._

_He cannot look at him._

_And behind him looms a spindly creature, its breath wheezing in his ear. There’s nothing Ben can do to stop it when spider-like hands begin to lace around his mouth and jaw. He cannot fight this creature, which seemed to be merely liberated by death. He cannot resist when the monster turns his head to another shade, one he had not seen before._

_His mother stands in dignity, hand in hand with his father. He wants to cry, to scream, to ask what happened. But the creature has muzzled him._

_Instead, he reaches to his wound. He lifts his hand into the hole in his chest, not minding the way his razor-sharp ribs sliced at his skin. He’d stopped bleeding months ago. Grasping blindly, he found only scar tissue and stone._

_He felt nothing as he ripped his heart from his chest. He felt nothing as it crumbled to dust in his fist._

…

Rey was familiar with the stinging kiss of abandonment. She knew how it felt to have someone so intricately part of you be severed away with one cruel stroke. She knew how it felt for the wounds to scab over, only for them to be ripped open once more.

But this wasn’t pain. This wasn’t... _anything_. Her wounds had healed into scar tissue, and scars held no sensation. No pain. But nothing else either.

She was foolish and naïve. Luke was right. Leia was right. Every goddamn person she’d spoken to was right. But seeing him so lonely, so hurt and confused she saw herself in him. She thought she could fix him. She thought she could save him.

She had loved him, but it wasn’t enough. He had made his choice, so she made hers. And now she would spend a lifetime with a severed bond. Whenever she reached out into the Force, she would always hit that dead spot. That black hole. That scar.

Rey seemed to have an affinity towards leaving scars, didn’t she?

She knew she would have to kill him eventually. The galaxy’s fear was fading and was replaced with a hunger for justice, for vengeance. She knew it could only be satiated with blood. She would be the one to do it. She was the new Jedi, the only Jedi. She would rebuild the order, and she would never let anyone like Kylo Ren ever come to power again.  

Rey wasn’t surprised when she received word that Kylo Ren had challenged her to a duel. A mere two weeks after Leia’s death-his mother’s death. He knew the galaxy’s morale was low, it was the perfect time to knock it even lower.

The two would meet on Ach-To. They would fight to the death. Rey had beaten him once before, and she had been training since then. But now he was at full health, and she wasn’t foolish enough to think he wouldn’t have been training since then.

She had forty-eight hours to respond to the duel, and twenty-four hours past that to arrive at the rendezvous point. She had to accept, the galaxy demanded it. Sitting in the pilot’s seat of the Falcon, she sent a comm to Poe, informing him she would accept, though it was more of a formality than anything.

Rey left without saying goodbye. She knew Finn would try to stop her, or worse would try to steal away with her. They would lie and say she didn’t have to go, and then call her brave when she went anyways.

But Rey was never very good at goodbyes. When she left, she left her heart behind. She had no use for it.

…

The twin suns of Ach-To had already begun to set when Rey arrived. Porgs had settled into their nests, and the caretakers had retired into their huts. The cold, grey tide lapped at the craggy shore where the Falcon was landed. Each wave seemed to reach farther and farther, higher and higher.

She thought of Luke’s X-Wing, submerged into a watery tomb. She wondered if that would be all that remained of the Falcon, lost to the uncaring waves forever. Maybe it would be preserved deep below, or maybe the winds and tide would erode it, till all the remained was a rusting husk.

No. She couldn’t think about what would happen after she died, not when there was still a chance of winning. Instead, she took to scouting the area, finding the spots which gave her the most advantage.

The hills were helpful, they provided leverage and coverage, and loose rocks could be used as projectiles if needed. But ultimately, any advantage she had was also available to Kylo. Rey looked out into the orange-red suns with a sigh. She’d wasted a day of preparation.

Seeing no use in depriving herself of sleep just to fumble in the dark, she made her way back to the Falcon. At least, she’d made her way back to where the Falcon was.

The Force seemed to have a cruel sense of irony. After all of her pondering and lamenting about what would happen to that damned piece of garbage once she died-if, she died-it had already succumbed to the tides.

Cursing loudly, she considered her options. She could sleep in one of the huts, but she doubted the caretakers would be overly welcoming. She could sleep under the stars, but the chilly night air and frequent rain boded for sickness, which was the last thing she needed before a duel. Of course, there was the temple, and surely the ancient Jedi wouldn’t mind an aspiring Jedi taking refuge for the night.

Right?

By the time Rey arrived at the temple, the suns had set and a mirror-bright moon served as her guiding light. The temple was dark, and the air was cold and still. All around her, the world seemed… empty.

It was unnerving, to say the least.

Lost in deciding on whether or not she should risk the outdoors over the creepy temple, she missed the shadow which lurked towards her.

“You should be more aware of your surroundings, Jedi,” rasped Kylo. Rey’s lightsaber was ignited by the first syllable from his mouth.

The blue light from Rey’s double-ended saber caught at the sharp angles of his face. His eyes were dark and sunken, and his cheekbones jutted out sharply. Rey had only seen people this thin while on Jakku when one was forced to go days without eating.

Maybe this would be easier than she thought.

“You’re here early,” she said, her voice steady enough that she surprised herself.

“So are you. It seems we had the same idea to scout the terrain.” With that, he sulked off into the darkness.

“Wait,” she commanded. His silhouette, so lean and sharped paused in the darkness.

“The duel doesn’t start for another two days, Jedi. Until then I intend to rest.” And then he was gone, merged into the shadows once more.

_Outside it is, then._

…

Rey awoke to the sound of screams. Peeking out from the shelter she had found under a shallow ledge, she could not find the source. It was just a nightmare, nothing worth keeping herself awake over.

But then she heard it again. And again. And again. Until the wailing faded into nothing.

It was coming from the temple.

_Kylo._

Rey didn’t know what it was that guided her feet. Maybe it was curiosity, maybe the desire to strike while he was weak, maybe it was a last drop of compassion urging her to help him. Whatever it was, it took her to the temple, to Kylo’s writhing form.

It was a nightmare, just not her own. She heard his breath rattle and wheeze. She felt the fear and dismay which radiated from his pathetic body. Rey ignited her lightsaber to find his frail body huddled against a wall, disappearing into its heavy cloaks.

“You’re too late if you were planning on killing me in my sleep.” She extinguished her saber but remained ready, tense.

“Why would you call this duel? You’re clearly in no condition to fight.”

“Because I want you to kill me.” The darkness whirled around her, and for the first time in months, she felt something.

 “If you kill me in a duel, the First Order will crumble and the galaxy will rejoice at its savior. I trust you to do better than your predecessors have.”

“This is a trick. I won’t fall for this. I won’t let myself believe you’re anything more than a monster.” Vaguely, Rey was aware of hot tears running down her face.

“I know.”

“Then why?” She demanded.

“Because I love you.” The tears came faster now. The wound was ripped open, and there was nothing she could do to stop the bleeding.

“Alive, I will only cause you pain. My death is your only shot at happiness.” Rey sank down to her feet and curled in on herself.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No, you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to make me feel like there’s still hope for you and then ask me to kill you.”

“I’m so sorry-“

“No. Don’t say anything.” And in the dark, she crawled closer to him, fumbling around until she curled herself against him.

“I will always love you, Ben,” she whispered, before reaching out to the bond. It was severed, cold. But maybe she could tie it together, if just for a moment.

And when she repaired the bond, she felt everything hit her at once. All of the pain she had repressed, but all of the happiness too. And most importantly of all, she felt him. Her soulmate.

Pressing a kiss to his temple, she ignited her lightsaber once more. She didn’t feel pain when he died. Instead, she felt peace.

When the sun rose, she did not feel alone. She was crying, yes, but she let herself feel. Their bond transcended death. And one day, after she had restored peace to the galaxy, she would see him again.


End file.
